Monday, March 1, 2010

Goldfish Rant

So, because I've made this a blog about FOOD and not simply COOKING, I can post things like this when I want to. And I do "disproportionately annoyed at stupid things" much better than I do cooking.

I like goldfish. I hadn't had them in a long time, but Mike bought some because they were on sale and he wanted to try the "S'mores Adventures" kind (the only adventure involved was an adventure in disappointment) and he got some normal ones for me. (On a side note, 'normal' goldfish are cheddar. One day someone offered me goldfish and gave me the 'original' flavor that tastes like oyster crackers. I don't even know why these exist. They're terrible. Everyone should know by now to just get the cheddar ones.) Anyway, I ate the goldfish and remembered that not only do I like goldfish, but I'm COMPLETELY ADDICTED to them. So I went to get another bag, but instead of getting the baby goldfish like he'd bought, I went for what I thought were just normal goldfish.

WHAT. IS THAT. I had no idea. I was confused and upset. Among my beautiful little sea of delicious fishies are these...circles? At first I could only think that they were jellyfish, or pufferfish, or some other sort of round sea creature. Mike told me they were basketballs, and I told him to stop being silly, I'm eating GOLDFISH, there aren't going to be BASKETBALLS in them. And then I looked at the package.

Seriously? SERIOUSLY? I don't look closely enough at my goldfish to make sure that the bag is JUST FISH, because they're called GOLDFISH. I assume that they will be fish. I don't think it should be necessary for me to look at the bag and make sure that the little picture in the corner doesn't have any weird shapes in it. Especially basketball shapes. I don't want to eat basketballs. It shouldn't be necessary for me to look at the package and make sure that I'm not buying basketball crackers. They are called GoldFISH and I expect them to stick to their name.

Also, I learned that I eat goldfish wrong. Well. I'm not really sure it's wrong, per se, but it's definitely weird. Instead of putting them in my mouth, I put them near my mouth and stick my tongue out, and it sticks to a goldfish, and I pull it into my mouth and eat it. Sometimes I get two. But I don't do the 'throw a handful of crackers into your mouth' thing. It's sort of like how a cat eats, so if you're curious, go watch a cat eat some dry food and that's what I look like when I eat goldfish.

Okay, that's the end of my rant. I sent in my last essay for my half-semester class today, so I only have four classes for the rest of the semester and that means FREE TIME! It also means the end of my "monday night paper panic" that I've grown used to. (I had a paper due every Monday at 10, so I'd get home from school around 3 and have to write a paper before House.) Anyway, this means that there will hopefully be more cooking and more blogging for the rest of the semester. Hooray!


  1. FUCK THAT SHIT the smores goldfish are delicious :-(

  2. I agree, basket balls are much too chewy

  3. Funny. But I like to bite my goldfish so they split in half like a "Filet o Goldfish".

  4. We don't have goldfish in Australia (well we do, but only the fish, not the crackers) but I'm with you re the basketballs. Who the hell thinks basketballs are a natural progression from goldfish?